[00:00:00] Hey there, fellow travelers. Today is a solo episode. I've been ignoring the nudges to speak about this for a while now, and over the past few weeks, it's become extremely apparent to me that they are about to turn into cosmic sledgehammers. So, I have decided to woman up and do it, rather than be whacked with another one of those.
So that means it's time to talk about how I lost my mind, Welcome to Divergent Wisdom Broadcast, where curiosity reveals the endless aspects of convergence between science and spirituality. Join me Doc Sibson as we explore new perspectives with our guests. Bridging the space between worlds to discover paradigm shifting common ground. It is time to get [00:01:00] rebellious.
Welcome to today's episode of Divergent Wisdom Broadcast. I am very happy to have you here. I just want to take a minute to recognize that we did not release an episode on our normal schedule two weeks ago, just because life got real lifey around here. It wasn't because we weren't trying and there were just so many dominoes that fell, which meant that
it was not possible to create something of any value. And we made the hard decision to take a pause and reset and come back today with this somewhat personal and confronting opportunity to tell you some stories about my own life. Which I think will be [00:02:00] extremely relevant to what is unfolding for a lot of people right now, as far as feeling lost and confused about next steps and what the world even looks like at the minute, because I know it is extremely challenging for so many reasons for pretty much all of us, and it can feel like there is
no good move to make.
with that in mind, I'm not going to be able to promise you what will be happening after today's episode, because my best laid plans don't seem to be going at all to plan lately. So what I will promise you is that we will do our very best to continue bringing you episodes that are
authentic and heartfelt. And quite rebellious to what the current paradigms are that you might be coming to us from [00:03:00] and just offering you new perspectives and new ways to view the world around you and decide whether or not they are things you want to find out more about. So that being said, let's talk about the elephant in the room,
shall we?
I just want to start out by saying that I am absolutely a scientist and still am, despite the fact that I am also a deeply spiritual person. And I think it's become quite apparent -if you've listened, listened to any of the other episodes released in season two- that I'm really pushing the boundaries out into a whole bunch of concepts that seem not at all scientific.
And it might be kind of challenging for people to have those brought up [00:04:00] from someone with my background and my training and my title. I want to point out that holding that experience of life, and My spirituality, and having them both be true or they're not mutually exclusive. And I invite you to look at the things in your life that you have discounted because you hold a belief that they might be in direct opposition to each other.
Because sometimes, those stories that we tell ourselves about those kinds of things, are purely stories. They are things that we have internalized that don't have to continue being the way we live our lives. So that leads me on to my first point that I really wanted to highlight, which is that rigid dogma keeps us trapped.
It doesn't matter what [00:05:00] kind of dogma we're talking about, it could be the standard thing that comes to mind when you say the word dogma, which is religion. But- And this is possibly going to ruffle some feathers- I would say that science has become a dogma in itself. It leaves no room for imagination,
no room for true curiosity of the unknown, if those things are not provable by cold, hard facts. So, no matter what conversation we're having, if you're talking about science and spirituality, if you're talking about the left or the right in the political scenario, if you're talking about, um, being conservative or liberal minded.
Any of these kinds of things, there's dogma on both sides of those fences. And believing in those [00:06:00] dogmatic viewpoints, without question, without being willing to open yourself up to the potential that someone who has a differing view from your own may have some value to offer you. I'm not saying that you have to believe the exact same thing as what you're hearing, just inviting people to open up their minds a little bit.
And open up their hearts. And consider discussions that seem confronting to things that are very tightly held as core truths and just allow a little bit of space, and a little pause, before doing anything, um, instinctual or kind of built in. I think that is a skill that we have very much
let languish, and most of us have lost: the ability to have conversations with people [00:07:00] who don't hold the same views as us. And the more we allow that to be the case, the further and further away we get from each other. And the bigger the chasm gets between people
on sides of an argument or discussion, and the harder it is to find ways to come back, you know, not necessarily to sharing the exact same views, but at least closer towards the middle where we can see and respect the person that we're speaking to about something, whether or not we agree with them. And be able to hold both of those things as okay.
And not, um, let it divide us further. I think that is a very good point to segue into the next one I wanted to make, which is that when your self identity is chained to an external concept, [00:08:00] then that is what is creating your jail cell when it comes to this discussion.
The perfect example that I have experienced in my own life would be the first time I had an existential crisis. It's not the first time, that's fun. And I came face to face with the concept that "I am A doctor." In other words, my identity is so wrapped up in that job title that I couldn't see where it ended and I started.
And that can be hugely confronting. And until you're able to pause and consider things like that, where you have defined yourself by some kind of boundary that has nothing to do with who you are at a base level. Like, if tomorrow something horrible happened and you could not [00:09:00] do anything that you currently do, you just had to be, who would you be?
It's not your job title. It's not various relationship titles that you might have with other people. It's not any of the kinds of things that we put so much weight and stock in every day to define ourselves with. It's the stuff that is deeper than that. It is more intrinsic than that. It is not
anything that can be taken away like that, when your circumstances change. Those are the kinds of things that are you, everything else is negotiable. So it's until you're able to separate yourself from those negotiable things that these discussions can really start being truly open minded. Because when your definition of self is still tied in with all of those other [00:10:00] things, then anytime someone raises a point which feels contrary to that identity, whether or not they're overtly, calling you out and criticizing it- they may just be saying something that
Seems opposed to something that you consider to be you- then it is next to impossible to not have an instinctual emotional reaction to a comment like that. Because your identity is that, and that is what feels like it is being called out. So if you are able to separate yourself from those concepts of identity, And understand that they are things that you do and choose to engage with in the world and use them as ways for people to understand things about you, instead of having them define you, then it's going to be a really tough time trying to come back to the middle and finding common ground [00:11:00] without all of our
wounds being kicked up every time something feels like it might be an opposition. A perfect example would be a discussion I had with a good friend of mine the other day. I had an experience when I was a medical student with a registrar who shall remain nameless. Um, but they essentially tormented me, tormented me just because...
who knows? I don't live their life. I don't know exactly why, but my experience of it, was because it made them feel better. Because they also felt disempowered by their job and by their superiors. And I was someone that was not willing to be walked all over, and made that known when I was treated poorly. And that was like a red flag to a bull.
So, um, I had a really hard time in that rotation. [00:12:00] I can't remember how it came up, but I was speaking to this friend and made a comment along these lines and they said, "Oh, who was it?" And when I shared who it was, they went, "Oh, really? Huh. Well, I actually had a very good time with that person as my senior when I was working at a different place and, um, they actually ended up being a referee for me and stood up for me when someone else was giving me a hard time."
I was like, "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?" Like, I just could not wrap my head around it for a minute. And it just took me time to go, "Okay. Well, they're this is someone I love and trust and very much value their opinion and respect them, So why would I not listen to what they're saying about this person?"
But it was really hard that is obviously still a thing that there's parts of [00:13:00] me that are holding on to some kind of piece of it as a way I view myself of someone that stood up to a bully or someone that wasn't willing to be pushed around or someone that had a hard time, but overcame it and still was successful in that term or, um, having passed my exams or whatever.
And it was a perfect example to me of how There are so many ways that we do that to ourselves and to other people based on the things that we hold on to without even realizing that we're holding on to them. So this is just to say that when you find yourself really set off or challenged by something that someone's telling you, either because it feels like it is a personal attack.
I mean, if it's an overt personal attack and someone is saying "you specifically are a horrible person because of X, Y, and Z," [00:14:00] then, you know, okay, let's take them at their word. But if it just feels that way, but their words haven't actually said that, or their actions haven't actually demonstrated that, then I invite you to just pause and think about why, in your own experience, does that feel like an attack? Or like my friend's story,
why has there been such a differing experience of a person? And could it also be true? Maybe not all of it. Maybe some of it was that like again, in this example, it was a fair amount of time between when I experienced the person and when my friend did. And I understand that many things changed in the um, person in question's life between our two experiences of them.
So they're probably both exactly true and who knows what [00:15:00] unfolded in their life in the meantime, but
I can still have a valid and true experience and my friend can still have a valid and true experience, even though they are very much opposed to each other. it is a chance for us to ascertain why something is so difficult or
so triggering for us and understanding what that means about you. Not what the other person is doing or saying, or if they're right or wrong or any of those things. What it means about your response and why you're having that response, because that is where the real understanding and the real change and awareness can come from.
that brings me to the next point I wanted to make, which I promise I will get to the thing I teased you with at the start, eventually, this is groundwork. So
living your life to meet other people's standards will not ever, and I really [00:16:00] mean ever, make you truly happy because they are other people's standards, they are not yours. True happiness cannot come from that. I think the perfect discussion that is relevant to this community and definitely in my own life is the way that a lot of people experience the adult recognition of neurodivergence. And how confronting it can be, because that particular experience is essentially being forced to confront whose life you've been living,
across your entire world, in an instant. And having that perspective change and having the opportunity to realize that you have been striving towards other people's goals and expectations and they have been challenging because they are not [00:17:00] right for you can also be an extremely validating moment.
So if your mind has gone into high alert at the mention of any of these concepts, then it can be quite difficult to pry that grip loose, and tell your nervous system to stand down, and let the adrenaline dissipate so that you can actually hear again without the blood rushing in your ears.
But, if you want to start putting some of this stuff down and start truly opening up your mind and opening up your heart to more of the experience that's available to you in the world, whatever that is. I'm not saying it has to be this science and spirituality discussion, it can be whatever doesn't feel like it needs to be your story anymore.
The two ways that I can suggest that you do that would be to pause when you run into friction [00:18:00] in your life. Whether or not it's in a conversation, like I mentioned with my friend or something that you're doing that really just is creating so much resistance, either mentally, or physically, or emotionally- anything where you are meeting a whole bunch ofsetbacks or difficulties time and time again- then that's an opportunity to just take a minute or many minutes and think about why it is difficult or why there is friction. It can be quite surprising what you discover when you ask yourself those questions.
And I would also encourage you as the second option, to chase the things that bring you joy. If you have listened to an earlier episode that I recorded with Charlie, and she spoke a lot about this as one of the key things that helped her navigate her path as she was exploring a lot of the same kinds of [00:19:00] things for herself.
Um, it really stuck with me and I really like that concept of just whatever lights up a spark of happiness or interest or curiosity or any of the lighter, more, Enjoyable experiences of life, whenever you see flickers of that, lean into those, don't let your mind get in the way as far as telling you, Oh, well, what are people going to think?
Or that's kind of dumb. Or why do you enjoy that? or whatever, any of the stories that your brain will put in the way. Tune it out, and just lean into the things that light you up. Obviously, I'm not encouraging you to do crazy things like, I don't know. Claim that the thing that brings you the most joy in the world is to become aviolent dictator.
Like, not what I'm saying. [00:20:00] What I am saying is, hey, if you want to, I don't know, start sitting down and coloring in adult coloring books at night instead of watching the reality TV show that, other people in your house want to watch then. Do that! If it means wearing the thing that you absolutely love that everyone else thinks is totally dorky.
Do that. Anything like this that brings you personal joy, Irrespective of what anyone else thinks or says about it, in that realm, Then I encourage you to do that.
Now comes the time to share my own story about some of this stuff because while you may not know me personally, if you do, then the shift between season one and season two of this show probably sent you for a bit of a loop as far as wondering what was going on with me.[00:21:00]
And I also feel like it is extremely important to be completely open about my experience of authenticity. And that includes talking about the full range of it. It's not only the stuff that's comfortable and easy to share because I feel it will be received, at least lukewarm, it is all of the stuff.
So here we go. I won't necessarily go back to day dot, because we haven't got time for that, but what I will start with is a point I want to say about 2021. So, you know, already in the thick of the global occurrence and I was working in What- on paper- was exactly my dream job. And I owned a beautiful house-
I bought my first house. I had just brought home my second dog, both of whom I adore deeply. [00:22:00] If you've watched, some earlier discussions about them, they bring me to tears. So that's how much I love them. And I have amazing family,Some of my closest had just moved back from overseas to be very close to where I was.
Fantastic friends that I trusted and Enjoyed spending time with. So all of this to say, I was extremely fortunate and living in very privileged circumstances and completely recognize that. And yet, it was still not right. I could just sense I was not truly accessing joy or happiness in most days of my life.
And I still didn't feel like me. I just could not tell you why. There was no tangible evidence or reasons for me to say that based on that list of things I just [00:23:00] told you. but it wasn't right. And it was continuing to become more and more not right as time went on. If you haven't been able to reach the stage where you're in a position to have a lot of those things like ticked off on the list of what you should be doing, then you may not ever get a really clear opportunity to understand the difference between achieving external things like that in the
pursuit of happiness versus getting to true happiness on the inside, and what that difference is. So hopefully Hearing discussion of it might help people if they're not able to have that really really quite rare these days opportunity like I did at that point. The thing that changed was I essentially diagnosed myself, officially got diagnosed by a different professional, but, became aware of my ADHD when I was almost 38 [00:24:00] and went to have a formal assessment and speak to someone about my suspicions and had it confirmed.
And, as already discussed in this episode, I had all of that rollercoaster that comes with the awareness of something that massive about yourself, at that point in your life. It wasn't solely that which started my big changes. It was also the collection of a whole bunch of physical Illnesses and ailments that had piled up over time because I was not living well.
I was not happy. I didn't have anything left in the tank. Everything I had was poured into getting through the days that I needed to get through. And sometimes I wasn't even able to manage that well. And that meant that everything else went by the wayside. so The minute I had some awareness around [00:25:00] why life had been so challenging for so long because of the neurodivergence then I was starting to realize just how unwell I'd been in so many other ways and started collecting a list of diagnoses of physical things, too.
And it wasn't until I got to the stage where I had a failed surgery, it's not that anything went wrong with it. It's just that it didn't solve the problem. And The condition worsened and I had to stop working in one of the jobs that I was in, like had to. It was not possible to keep doing that job with what was going on with my, with my body at that stage.
And, well, and still. That was my cosmic sledgehammer, probably something bigger. That really knocked me off my perch. I had to leave the work that I knew was also not right, but it was at least balancing between two different types of jobs. So the variability and the [00:26:00] difference of those two things were enough to keep me
kind of moving forward, I guess. But honestly, if I had paused before that, before I was forced to, I would've recognized that I was absolutely miserable. I was exhausted, bone tired, beyond recognition kind of tired. when my hand was forced, I
really had no other choice but to make a change. That's often what people call a dark Night of the soul.
Um, that's a particular type of world falling apart. So with this kind of constellation of awareness about myself and my circumstances and what I was willing to put up with and what I wasn't willing to put up with anymore because it didn't feel right and I wasn't happy, I'm pretty sure it looked like I promptly lost my mind to the outside world observing what happened next.
Um, and you [00:27:00] know, debatable as to whether or not you still think that, but, uh, that's your business. so I sold my house. I left the job that I still had, not the one that I had to give up because of the other thing. I started a business which did not eventuate because of how that physical ailment continued to unfold,
so I started another business! And then another, technically, I mean, come on, ADHD, guys, what do you expect? So, that alone was probably enough to make people wonder about just how tight a grip I had on my senses. And then I started a practice of meditation. Well, the thing that makes me pause and laugh about this is a group that I am a member of, and I adore the people in it,
but the banner at the top of the group is a [00:28:00] meme saying "Hast thou tried a mindfulness webinar?" Don't know what brought me to meditation, but that was my opinion of it when I started. And eventually, once I had enough minutes and then hours and then days amassed in my practice and was able to get to the stage where I actually did have some moments of quiet and peace- and that's all talking about the chatter up here, mind you- it was pretty much revolutionary. To get to the stage where I managed to shut down all of that nattering of the critic and all of the stories I was telling myself about all of the experiences I was having.
And I was able to just sit in quiet, in pure being, and how much of a difference that [00:29:00] makes to your perspective. It was mind blowing to me and the more I was able to do that, the more I was able to see where I wasn't experiencing that in my rest of my life. And it made me want to make changes so that I could feel that kind of peace more often while I was walking around with my eyes open.
So, that meant Instead of going down a standard business coach path, all the bro dudes and the 10 X in business and all of that kind of bullshit, um, I decided that I was going to invest in a spiritually-oriented business coach who would help me craft my business with this unfolding and still very new element of my personality and [00:30:00] my experience that I was exploring, and helped me incorporate that into what I was building so that it became something that I actually loved and still wanted to do at the end of the day. Instead of it being yet another thing that I made in the ways that other people told me I should,
and that was probably the first time I really, actively, outside of my own mind, started taking steps that felt the most true to me, but were the most contrary to anybody that would have been watching it from the outside. Because the way that this program is designed, it was centered around numerology.
And I don't know how you feel about it, don't want to make any assumptions, but I would Expect that if you are a scientist and still very attached to that, you'll think that is total BS and not anything that you want to hear about, [00:31:00] um, which, you know, I wasn't quite at that
level by the time I made that choice, but I was still pretty skeptical going into it, because I still Had the belief that I needed proof. Needed to have tangible proof about everything in order for it to be true. But the more I started to allow that to maybe not be the case for me anymore, the faster I gained access to The parts of me that I'd been ignoring. And the parts of me that actually felt like me and not like parts that were
just doing things out of expectation, either things I thought I should be doing or that others expected me to do. And it was probably around that time that I started to develop a very serious Oracle card deck [00:32:00] problem. I don't know how many I have by now, but it's a sizable collection. And I started talking about metaphysics with some of my closest, trusted friends, because definitely didn't want to talk about that with anybody that might think I was going nuts.
Um, which, you know, here we are. But it
was one of those things where the more you spend time considering whether or not it could be true for you, the more you realize that you already know it is. And that I think was the biggest surprise with all of this. It wasn't that I was doing these things at all. It was more that it really was not hard for me to believe that that was my new reality, once I really allowed that concept to have some space to breathe.
The more I did that, the more moments came [00:33:00] flooding back in my life where I had had opportunities to recognize certain elements of my gifts and my capabilities and I had shut them down or ignored them or denied them. and it is very commonplace in our family to talk about me being psychic when I was a little kid.
And, honestly, you know, the story is not necessarily relayed with tons of belief in psychic abilities, but it was just a comment that everybody around me when I was little, in particular, people closest to me, would say that as a descriptor for baby Sarah. So how do you get so far from that experience of life where it's just clear to people around you?
And then, if anyone had told me that I would be talking about my psychic gifts on the internet, admitting I liked and believed in numerology, and now, most [00:34:00] recently, to become a completely, full blown, card-carrying woo person, I now am an Akashic Records reader, which means I channel soul level wisdom from the quantum field.
Completely aware of how insane that sounds. If you had told me three years ago, when all this started, that I would be doing any of those things, I would have laughed in your face and asked you what you were smoking. That would be exactly why it's taken me so long to share this part of my experience with people, because there's still been elements of me that
Had doubt about my readiness to be this open. And a lot of that comes with the added implications of what can happen by sharing this kind of thing and holding the title that I hold, and [00:35:00] I understand, So deeply, why it can feel impossible for someone in a similar position to say anything.
I don't expect you to speak up if you feel like that is not right for you But it was just time for me. I can honestly say, apart from the people I love and respect and care about the most deeply, I pretty much give zero fucks about what other people think of me living my truth at this stage. I am the most authentic and happy and fulfilled that I have been since childhood, and have reconnected
with a sense of endless wonder of the universe and life. And despite all of the hardship that is happening for everybody in the world right now, I am still able to tap into those experiences and that peace internally that that brings.
Let you decide for [00:36:00] yourself what sounds better. Either living a life in a way that everyone expects you to do it, and making you miserable, or living your truth, and being able to find that kind of solace in a very, very difficult time-- because you know who you are. I know what I choose every single day.
And it's not easy every day, but it's still worth it.
I'd just like to say, in closing, ended up being a very long solo episode, but here we are. The more you ignore your truth, the louder and more insistent and more obvious the universe gets. And if you continue down that path, there will come a time where it gets so, so difficult to insist on continuing in that direction, that the only real option you will have is [00:37:00] going to be change.
And I would highly recommend against getting to that point. It's not pleasant. Uh, the cosmic sledgehammer I've talked about a couple of times, I would say that if you don't listen to yourself, and what is true for you, and insist on ignoring it still, then that's the stage where the uh, galactic wrecking ball comes out and makes you do something about it.
So if you have friction in your life that you are committed to ignoring, I would just encourage you to pause and rethink. And if it feels at all doable with where you are in your life now, Then I encourage you to start following your heart, and doing as much as you feel able to, to make the changes that bring you more joy,[00:38:00]
and less of that friction, before it escalates.
I will leave it there for today. It was a little bit preachy and feels very much like an overshare, but I don't know. Again, I'm out of the woo closet now, so I'll just say I've been strongly encouraged by guidance to do this. So here we are.
I will see you next time around, whatever that looks like.
I am very, very hopeful that I will be back to having amazing guests on to talk to them about super fun things that I love discussing and exploring together and maybe it won't be that. Who knows? I think the change is so rapid right now, it would be insane of me to try and predict. So, whatever that looks like, I will catch you on the flip side. Thank you for expanding with us on Divergent Wisdom broadcast. [00:39:00] We deeply appreciate the contribution of your time and attention to our shared adventure. If today's discussion resonated with you, we'd love to hear your thoughts, revelations, and experiences in the comments. Please take a moment to subscribe and share us with your cosmic crew and remember.
We're all made of the same Stardust.
